Saturday, August 29, 2009

They Lied about Radiation.

They lied to me about radiation.

It's the most painful process during this whole cancer journey.

Not the radiation part. I don't even feel that.

It's the freaking position I have to hold to get the radiation. I can now write about the Spanish Inquisition from the prisoner's part.

It's the only part of the treatment that has brought me to tears at almost every session.

It's where I can't bother to chant my "I can do this" and am instead wanting to scream out, "Hurry up and get me the h*ll out of here."

I've lost my sense of humor.

The position...

Imagine lying on a narrow table with your right arm in space. Now raise that arm where it is even with the side of your body, and your right hand about a foot from your head. There is a little brace to hold you just above your wrist. Since they want to give radiation to the side under my arm, they tape my arm to the brace, moving the fatty batwing that I carry around up and out of the way.

Then the "stretch your neck and look up and over to the left"...that's another part of the pain. I should have a lovely neck on the right hand side, the left will be full of wrinkles.

AND...hold that position for at least twenty-five to thirty minutes.


The ouch doesn't even cover the pain I'm in. I try to step up to the plate and be brave, but it's hard. If they manage to linger too long, and why do they need so many x-rays, then I'm in tears by the end of my session.

Just think, only five freaking weeks left. FIVE FREAKING WEEKS.

Like I said. I lost my sense of humor.

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Sunday, August 02, 2009

Radiation is in the future...

Well, I thought I would have started my radiation by now.

It seems that indeed, I need to learn patience.

I was told by my oncologist that I should be done with my treatment by Halloween.


Apparently, the trick is on me.

My appointment on Wednesday was two weeks after my last chemo. Now I need to go to a new OB/GYN doctor, as my regular doctor doesn't accept my insurance plan, and get a PAP Smear and general check-up.

Then I have an appointment with my surgeon to discuss the removal of my port. I'll be thrilled to get rid of it. Wearing a sports bra 24/7 hasn't been comfortable. But after the consultation, then the surgery, and after that recovery.

In mid-September there is the bone density test. Radiation has something to do with that. It's on the cancer protocol sheet and my oncologist goes by the book. Then another mammogram.

Then about ten days after that I see my oncologist again. I hope that the radiation will start after that. It's six weeks with radiation five days a week. The radiation will last for about a minute, the drive to and fro will be an hour and a half. I was going to use some of the grand kids as drivers, but school will be in session, so that plan is out. Not that I feel I need a driver, but the dh is insistent.

I am so anxious to go on a trip, to do something out of the ordinary, to visit old friends, to have a family retreat, to be determined cancer-free. Is my list too long? No. It's been almost a year since I was diagnosed.

So many people have reached out their hands to me in this time, and I truly appreciate it. They have made this journey bearable and heart-warming.

Life is good!


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