Monday, June 08, 2009

I Can Do This

Finding out that you have cancer is a life altering sentence.
First you're hit with fear. Will I die? Can they kill it? What's going to happen to me?
The oncologist talks to you, but your mind doesn't catch everything. What did she mean by 50/50 chance? I finally figured it out. I have a 50/50 chance of developing breast cancer even after treatment.
The first few weeks of chemo were the hardest for me. I honestly believe that they need to prescribe anxiety/depression medicine when they tell you that you have cancer.
It took me awhile to get over that anxiety/depression. Every time I started to slide to the dark side, I would think, "I can do this."
I prayed. I prayed to every person I knew who was no longer with me, and to God. I'd cry at night, my mind full of fear. Then I'd say, "I can do this."
"I can do this."
Four little words. But they helped bolster my spirits. "I can do this."
I can, and you can too.
There is nothing in this world that you can't stare down if you believe. Believe in yourself and in others, but mainly yourself.
For some reason, I've been in a dark mood the past week. It might be because I'm exhausted all the time. Every chore is time-consuming. Making the bed takes a long time. First the bottom sheet. Rest. Then the top sheet. Rest again. Then the comforter, the pillows. Then throwing myself on the made up bed to rest again.
It's not fun, but I can't give up. "I can do this."
That's my mantra. It's what's holding me together.



At 5:43 PM, Blogger Laurie Cooper said...

Hi, Donna. I got here through a scriptscene post. I finished chemo in mid-Dec. I didn't have breast cancer but non-hochkins lymphoma. Like you, my mantra was "I can do this" then it became "if I can do chemo then I can do anything."

I learned so much, about myself, and others, and cancer. I never realized there were so many types of chemo.

I said when I came out the other side of it I'd be a brand new me. And I guess that's true. Yep, curly hair and all.

Hang in there. The calendar is your friend and lifeline. You CAN do this.

Laurie Cooper

At 6:10 PM, Blogger Donna Caubarreaux said...

Thanks Laurie,

You're right, you do learn about yourself, and others. So many people have stepped up to the plate, like yourself. Some didn't.

I'm like the photo of the little cat, hanging on the branch.

Thanks again.

At 12:38 AM, Blogger Karin* said...

Donna, you are amazing. And *I* know you can do this too. Now, screw making the bed. Just shut the door and make yourself a cup of tea and enjoy the quiet. And don't think about the sheets!

At 7:49 AM, Blogger Nancy said...

Donna, I also got here thru one of your Scriptscene posts - and I fell like a dweeb that I didn't know or had forgotten that you were blogging. Oh, yes, I've been praying for you, but I've not been following the blog.

And I didn't know Laurie had been thru cancer,too.

I've seen you in action, and I know you CAN do this. As Karin said, screw the bed making and spend your energy differently. (Unless that ritual is something you just want to keep. :))

Most of all, know that you DO have friends thinking of and praying for you, and we're with you on the "you CAN do this!"


At 2:53 PM, Blogger Donna Caubarreaux said...

There does come a time when you 'must' change the sheets.
The dh would do it if I asked, but I won't.
I'm still bucking all the restrictions that are placed on me...
And after chemo today, I know I have this disease licked.


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