I Can Do This

Finding out that you have cancer is a life altering sentence.
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First you're hit with fear. Will I die? Can they kill it? What's going to happen to me?
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The oncologist talks to you, but your mind doesn't catch everything. What did she mean by 50/50 chance? I finally figured it out. I have a 50/50 chance of developing breast cancer even after treatment.
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The first few weeks of chemo were the hardest for me. I honestly believe that they need to prescribe anxiety/depression medicine when they tell you that you have cancer.
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It took me awhile to get over that anxiety/depression. Every time I started to slide to the dark side, I would think, "I can do this."
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I prayed. I prayed to every person I knew who was no longer with me, and to God. I'd cry at night, my mind full of fear. Then I'd say, "I can do this."
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"I can do this."
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Four little words. But they helped bolster my spirits. "I can do this."
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I can, and you can too.
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There is nothing in this world that you can't stare down if you believe. Believe in yourself and in others, but mainly yourself.
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For some reason, I've been in a dark mood the past week. It might be because I'm exhausted all the time. Every chore is time-consuming. Making the bed takes a long time. First the bottom sheet. Rest. Then the top sheet. Rest again. Then the comforter, the pillows. Then throwing myself on the made up bed to rest again.
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It's not fun, but I can't give up. "I can do this."
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That's my mantra. It's what's holding me together.
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