Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In Between

I've been in a semi-fog since last Friday.

I had to do a errand, was hungry and needed to check my mail.

Three little tasks, and I only needed to leave the car once.

The car interior was warm when I got inside and it felt so good. It seems like I've been cold for ages. Even my blood temperature is low, so just sitting inside felt like a rare treat.

The first task was easy, then I drove to get a burger and even that was easy. I pulled into the parking lot after my purchase, enjoyed the meal and the warmth of the day had me putting my head back and just resting.

About thirty minutes later my hubby called. "Where are you?" "At McDonald's parking lot." "What are you doing there?" "I got a burger and now I'm resting. I have to stop at the post office and then I'll come home." He was okay with that answer.

Driving to the post office, I felt really tired. So, I parked outside the door closest to my post office box and rested my head back against the headrest. I just didn't have the energy to go inside. I sat there awhile, a long while, then finally went inside and emptied my box.

I dumped the mail on the passenger's seat and leaned back in the car seat. I was exhausted. I rested my head again, and instead of feeling the warmth inside the car, I started to shiver. I was cold and my body started to shiver. Finally feeling that I needed to get home as soon as possible, I drove slowly home.

Once home, I threw myself in bed and started to shiver like there was no tomorrow. It took a long while to finally stop.

So, since Friday, I've felt 'out of it' and hung close to bed. I don't know what the shivering was all about, but I've had it happen to me at a RWA Conference one year.

Today, I 'feel' great. I still get tired easily, need to rest often, but it's as if the cobwebs have been banished from my brain. And I'm not cold.

So, I figure it's like this.

There will be days of clairty, days of dullness and days in between. What I need to do is not let the dark days get me down. Because if I let them grab hold of me, I might not see the sunshine days for what they are. Yesterday's title would have worked great for today, but my brain was apparently 'in between' and I didn't recognize it.

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At 5:40 PM, Blogger Moonine Sue Watson said...

Hi Donna,
I am a twelve year survivor of breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy. I know you pain and surprise at the second surgery hurting so much after the first one didn't. I had radiation. I did not have to have chemo as mine was in very early stages and had not spread.

Barbara Delinksy has a collection of articles she collected from breast cancer survivors called Uplift: Secrets from the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors. I have a couple of short pieces in it. It is full of good advice and thoughts of women who have been in your shoes. My prayers are with you. Please feel free to contact me if you need a buddy.
Moonine Sue Watson

At 11:03 AM, Blogger Donna Caubarreaux said...

Thanks for the kind wishes. They did the lumpectomy on me, twice. The node removal is what really hurts. I only have slight 'twinges' at present. But no lifting the bar bells for awhile. LOL

At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Shirley Harkins said...

Peace to your house, Donna

I am presently battling metastatic breast cancer. This has been a difficult winter for me--unseasonable cold for Oklahoma and my blood runs like ice water. I don't even like to stick my head in the freezer at Walmart--the chill goes right through me. I know the exhaustion you feel, too. During the day I often think "Is it bedtime yet?"

I'm also a writer and in a lvoing critique group that supports me not only in my writing, but also in my battle against the big "C".

I will place your name on the list of folks I pray for daily.

Abundant Peace


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